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Dear Carolyn: What do you think the "recipe" is for men to continue to stay close to their children after a divorce?I have witnessed over and over again men moving on to their next relationship and the relationship with their children gets moved to the back burner.
Someone who is avoiding their feelings is not in an emotionally honest position to do the right thing by you, never mind for themselves.
It’s very possible that under a whole other set of circumstances, that maybe you could have had a committed relationship, which of course would be under the proviso that not only are they typically emotionally available but that under the new circumstances you wouldn’t be a Fallback Girl (or Guy) either.
There’s an element of this situation that’s down to ‘bad timing’, but to blame it mostly on timing is to miss some glaring problems.
They’ve overestimated their capacity for a relationship and pushed down their feelings about their ex because they use you, albeit not always intentionally, to help you get them through this transition.
If they’re typically emotionally unavailable or just the type that likes to be in a relationship, they won’t be good at being on their own but may be operating under the misguided notion that if you’re special enough that they’ll magically get over their ex and be available to you, which is pretty damn lazy.
There’s nothing wrong with being hurt from the end of a relationship or having feelings to deal with as a result of what’s happened.